Having been in a bad marriage for fraction of my past and a good marriage for a long while now, I have many strongly held opinions about the institution, but no one keeps asking me to lay them all out. Crazy!
First, you’ve all been lied to. Marriage is not hard work.
Stay on top of it every day. It is no harder than staying in decent shape or keeping your house clean (I’m in decent shape but am a terrible housekeeper, so if you’re looking for the point of hypocrisy with which to negate the following information, there it is. This is a full-service blog.) Pay some attention daily, and it won’t feel like cleaning out your attic once every 10 years or dropping 40 pounds.
Is there a trick for making it easier, like magic erasers or chocolate-flavored yogurt? Why yes, there is! Have the sex. Just say yes. Best word ever. Don’t feel like it? Have it anyway! We spend a good bit of time doing things for other people that we may not be 100% into doing when we start, but then we did a nice thing and made the world a better place. Plus with sex, once you get started it’s way more fun and gratifying than going to Home Depot or proofreading a social studies essay.*
(Having sex bonus: it makes all your other problems 25% smaller.)
Second, have similar senses of humor. (They do not have to be exactly the same. If my husband could find the part of my brain that loves puns, he would remove it with a rock and a fork.) But we share a keen love of absurdity, which has served us well with children and elderly parents.
Third, have similar tastes in music. This probably doesn’t sound that important, but some day you will paint a room together, and it’s much better to butcher some Dinosaur Jr. song than go down the “so what’s the deal with your <insert family member here>” rabbit hole.
You’re welcome, internet who wanted to ask but didn’t know quite how to bring it up.
*All of this is predicated on not being married to an abusive jerk. If you read this and think, but my spouse is an abusive jerk, then close this tab and get a professional involved right now.