My son, whom we’ll call Sparky (more on that later), is 20, in college at my alma mater, and ACTIVATED. I was activated in college, but not to the degree that he is, since he has done college better than I did in every conceivable way. I barely remember what I was all hepped-up about back then. Nuclear proliferation rings a bell.
The upshot of all this is that while he went off with the values we so carefully planted, he has bloomed them himself into social and political positions far less middle-of-the-road than ours, and is using them AGAINST US. I should say against ME, because his father has declined to participate in these discussions, because he’s smarter than I am.
Whether it’s about racism, gender issues, the safe space concept, or how to effect change in the world, I find myself in the curious position of not disagreeing with him, but also being always wrong. I remember that I did this to my parents, but this feels a little different because my parents were conservative, so we genuinely disagreed on major content points. When I got older the area where I had to concede their positions were more about how the world works (money) and what motivates individuals at the end of the day (money, not being hassled when you’re tired). (They never stopped being wrong about race. I’d like to throw gender realities in there, but they were a tiny bit not wrong about some of that. Depressing.)
My son and I never diverged over music, or clothes, or whether he should adopt a better attitude and appreciate high school because it’s the best time of his life (because it isn’t). This is the first time in my life as a parent that I am just wrong because I’m old, and can’t un-know what I know. This is my come-uppance. I am the Washington Generals of my own relationship with my son. The only upside is, if you know how it always ends, it really takes the pressure off.
The Washington Generals were an exhibition basketball team who played against the Harlem Globetrotters for many years. (Edited to explain the reference to readers younger than myself. Pretty much all the readers. H/T Steve E.)